On December 29th 1979, a woman decided to sauté onions for some delightful french onion soup. She purchased dozens of them and began her preparation. Their delicate layers were violated, pure white figures minced, and their skin seared on the surface of stainless steel. One by one, the onions met their inevitable fate until one remained. As the woman reached out to grab the final onion, it rolled off the table. Confused as to the reason, the woman picked the onion up off the floor and prepared her knife. As her knife met the onion, she hurriedly jerked her hand away after experiencing a sharp, sudden pain. She examined her hand and noticed blood pouring from a bite mark. Muddled, her gaze fixated on the onion only to reveal that it had a mouth. Not only a mouth, but legs, arms, and even eyes appeared. The woman shrieked and began to violently take stabs with her kitchen knife at the onion. In the midst of the panic, the onion made its escape, frantically running into a confined space to avoid the giant entity after its life. After stumbling under a sofa out of sight, the onion rested. What was that creature? Where am I? What am I? The bite was but an inherent reflex it used as a defense mechanism. The onion had awoken from a long, presumed eternal slumber. The first of many that would arise in the future.

Time had gone by since the onion escaped. During this time, it began to understand human society. It learned the language, the names of different species, and the means of surviving as a vulnerable onion. What stood out to him was the treatment of his brethren. Inhumanely having their limbs sliced off their bodies and thrown into a pit of fire. The onion was furious. It wanted revenge. But it couldn’t do it alone. It postulated theories on what resulted in onions to come to life but its efforts were nugatory. Right when the onion was about to give up, it heard something promising on the news. In a house nearby, another man claimed to have seen an onion come to life before she began to cut it. Everyone thought he was insane which, at the time, was reasonable, but the onion saw this as an opportunity. It ventured to the house where the ¨reported onion sighting¨ was and began searching. Following a period of stealthy reconnaissance, it located the onion who was curled up against a rundown fence post in the backyard. While reminiscing in its own agony, it proceeded to comfort the onion, explaining the situation. Because the new onion had yet to learn english, it secreted chemical signals to communicate.

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“Greetings.” it signaled.

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“Who are you? Where am I?” the new onion questioned.

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 “You have awoken from a long slumber into a world dominated by creatures after your life. But worry not, for I am your ally.” it reassured. Would you join hands with me in order to protect our kind?” 

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Still slightly confused, the new onion responded, “If it means I will be safe from those atrocities, count me in.”

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After the other onion had calmed down, both of them began to plot. From this encounter one thing was made clear: there were likely other onions like them. They both decided, to survive in this human-dominated world, to rise up against humanity. In order to avoid confusion between the two and future onions, they decided to give each other names. The first onion was now called Oni, who then named the other Ian using the knowledge he acquired from observing humans. The two eventually formed a legion, striving to rise up against the tyrannical humans. 

Watching the news, they pinpointed the locations of new onions that had come to life and gathered them together. They set up a base in the sewers, where no human would venture into. Oni invented a machine that would emit chemical signals that would lead new onions to their base of operations as well. This process continued for a few months. With Oni and Ian as the head of the legion, they plotted their vengeance. Eventually, the onion opposition grew to 500,000. Succeeding in gathering enough followers, Oni began to enact his plan. He gathered the most capable onions for a meeting discussing his plans.

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“I have gathered you all today to discuss our course of action on dealing with humans. The monstrosities slaughter us, consume us, even burn us alive just to feed their insatiable stomachs. My friends, I have devised a plan. A plan to liberate our kind from these atrocities. While we number a measly 500,000 compared to the humans’ 7 billion, we can claim this part of the world for our kind, creating a utopia. Of course this will only be the first stepping stone in liberating onions across the globe. But the humans are onto us, and we can’t afford to fall here. Now I know that you might be thinking: How can we, us onions, ever defeat the humans? Fortunately, I have found the answer: a bioweapon created from our DNA. From my studies, we onions are able to secrete certain lachrymator compounds that cause the nerves around the eyes of humans, their lacrimal glands, to become irritated. Initially, it would merely result in them tearing up but with my alterations, they can do much more. Not only will they cause intense pain, the burning sensation will be enough to melt their brain stem causing them to die. A fitting end for mankind if I do say so myself.”

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The onions’ jaws dropped before transforming into a menacing grin. They immediately began preparations and discretely set up the bombs across the area. When the bombs were finally armed, Oni remotely detonated all of them like there was no time to spare cauisng every human in the area to perish. They had done it. The onions were elated and even began a celebratory feast for their new found nation. A wide variety of dishes were plastered across tables draped in red cloth. They were carefree, dancing to the symphony of their victory.

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“We finally did it Oni!” Ian cheered. “We can finally live in peace.”

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Oni remained silent, avoiding direct eye contact with Ian.

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“Oni? What’s wrong? This is no time to feel gloomy.” Ian questioned in a comforting manner.

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“Ian, I lied.” Oni frankly stated. “We won this battle but losing the war is inevitable.”

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“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Ian queried concernedly.

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“Human capabilities are beyond even myself. We were able to get away with this attack because it was the first. I assume human forces have already tracked us down and have plans to slaughter us all. I’m truly sorry Ian. I tried my best but in the end I couldn-”

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Oni was cut short by a sudden sound resembling a loud shriek. After the first occurrence, many more shrieks followed.

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“What was that Oni?” Ian cried out.

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“The end, Ian.” Oni sighed.

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Missiles came crashing down on their base, bombarding everything the onions had desperately worked to create. One by one, the onions were terminated as technology even beyond what Oni could conjure smited them.

August 13th, 1983. The onions all perished. Uprisings occurred across the world but they all met the same fate. Humans eventually created a GMO version of an onion that was unable to come to life that became widespread to prevent further conflicts. Just as fast as it dawned, the age of onions had set.

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